Photoshoot-Love ♥

Tumblr Wants.

2012-01-14T21:15:00.001+08:00

If only Tumblr was an online store.

It'd be so darn popular that everything would be sold out.

Current Obsession: Wooden Shades.

In particular, similar to the one above: Canby Cherry Shades

I've always had a thing for wooden stuff.

Like pine wood that's really smooth and shiny?

Mad love.

Really.

Anything that's woody. (HAHA)

Sadly, I don't really have much of this woodeny stuff.

Other than bookshelves. :o

Oh wells.

Dreaming of them and admiring photos are probably the best I can do for now. :x

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Time.

2012-01-14T14:33:00.000+08:00

OMG. SO FLUFFYYYYY~

So, I'm back again.

After such a long long time.

Was in a really horrible mood last night.

Shedding tears and wiping them away while waiting for the bus and even on the bus.

Talk about embarrassing.

I couldn't keep the tears from falling.

And everytime I mentioned something related to that situation..

The waterworks began.

Called my sis, cyn then zy but nobody picked up.

Then my sis called back and I just ranted.

Teared up while talking to her.

But felt totally better.

Though..

It still hurts.

The rejection and all.

Don't wanna blame anyone yet don't wanna feel inferior about myself.

So what do I do now?

Had a long chat with zy too.

JIAYOUS, my dear! (:

Kays.

I ranted.

Just not here.

And I'm okay.

Or at least..

I will be.

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Nobody gets it.

2011-11-25T16:43:00.002+08:00

This doesn't make me you.

So here I am gonna blog about something else that surrounds friendship.

You don't get it.

And I absolutely couldn't stand it when you kept discriminating against what I love when you don't understand it.

What makes you think that Dance is a better art form than Singing?

You haven't even sung in a choir before.

Haven't had rehearsals THREE damn times a week for 3-4hours each time to train your voice.

You think it's easy being a singer?

That's it's not worthy enough to be a form of expression like Dance but only something you do during leisure?

Well, then I'm afraid you're too naivé.

And too biased and too blind to see anything at all.

You use your body to dance.
We use our body to sing.
You need stamina.
So do we.
You guys run, do sit-ups and push-ups.
So do we.
You guys perform on a stage in front of an audience.
So do we.

You guys have trainings.
We have rehearsals.

Is singing really that different from dance afterall?

Think.
Use your brain.

It's like those people going around trying to convert people to their religion.

Telling them that if they were not from that certain religion, they would all go to hell.

Like seriously?

What happened to free thinking?

Free speech?

Why must someone always be right?

Why must someone always control!?

It just gets on my nerves that there are so many IGNORANT people who think they are all that.

News flash, dude.

You ain't nothing at all.

Best Friend.

2011-11-24T23:56:00.003+08:00

Someone to do stupid things with.

So according to the online dictionary..

Best Friend: The one friend who is the closest to you

But I don't think I ever really had even one?
No one that actually knows me, or even bother to.

Some people like to say that I'm their Best Friend.
But I guess their definition is the same as that of the online dictionary.
But not what I believe in.

A Best Friend to me should be someone who actually knows me.
Knows what I like.
What I dislike.
Knows that when I rant, I'm just letting off steam.
Not asking for comments or trying to change their impression of certain people.
Shows that they care for me the way I do for them.
I don't believe that showing that care requires using money.
Spending lots of money on someone isn't showing that you care.
At least not to me.
We would have endless conversations that will never run out.
Secrets with each other.
Not kept from each other.
Inside jokes that nobody gets.
And the simple way of never letting the other feel neglected.
Or that they are being used.
Being able to do stupid things together.
Taking nice photos for each other.
Knowing and understanding that I would like to be in photos too.
In all my albums..I'm in like only a few photos.
Yet nobody notices.
Yes, I love taking photos.
Capturing moments.
But sometimes, I wanna be in them too.
Nobody gets that.
And even if they tried, I'd just look weird and awkward.
I don't make you look that way in photos, do I?

Absolutely cannot stand people who work this way:
When I need your help, I remember you.
When I don't, "who are you again?"

Am I asking for too much?
No.
This is just the basic thing that everyone wants, no?

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." ~A.A. Milne

On the other hand, I have plenty of friends who expect so much.
It's not said outright, of course.
But I know they expect.
Yet, they don't give a care about what I want or need.
All they do is take and take and take.
Why am I giving so much?
When I get nothing in return.
It's not like I'm asking for a lot.
I'm just asking for some reciprocation.

Afterall, people always say that real friends will always give back to you and all.
Since when was friendship supposed to be tiring and draining?
Nowadays, when I start feeling disappointed and all..
I just ignore.
Or give the situation little attention.
So unlike who I was before.

I don't know what to do.
It's like people just don't get it.
And what can I say?

Even sometimes, wanting to be there for someone else is just so hard.
Because they don't bother to listen.
They just wanna wallow in self-pity and blame the whole world.
But I believe that we can control our own fate.
At least some parts of it.
And what do they expect people to do or think?
Pity them?
Sympathise with them?
Empathise with them?
Ignore them?

It's like get over yourself already.
Do you even hear yourself?
Once or twice is normal.
But frequently and continuously?
Do something about things instead of just wallowing in self-pity, seriously.

Just because you think it's so, doesn't mean it's so.
Ugly?
Seriously?
You're attached and before that you had tons of suitors.
Guys who liked you.
Just because they aren't the ones you want doesn't mean that they are blind.
So open your own eyes.
See the world around you.
There's so many more things and people who are worse off than you.
But then again, I know you wouldn't care.
'Cause that's other people.
Not you.

Don't you get that I feel that way sometimes too?

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Whatever.

2011-11-24T22:38:00.001+08:00

Control.

Whatever.

Term used when I feel royally pissed off.

Rarely used nowadays.

But it happens.

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Sarang hae yo 사랑해요 K.O.R.E.A.

2011-11-19T22:41:00.001+08:00

Awe.

So...

I've been to Korea!

From 10 Nov - 16 Nov.

Was a super awesome trip!

Loved the weather.

Loved the places.

Loved my roomies (Lyana & Shi Lee).

And I absolutely loved the FOOD!

Good stuff they have over there.

I have never eaten so much veg in just one meal!

Imagine how much veg I ate over that 6 days!

Didn't buy much stuff..

Didn't know about the hidden money..

If not I would have bought more.

Dumbdumb manda. :/

But yea, got some food and snacks.

And many small things..

And a few clothing.

Wanna go back there so bad!

I miss you, Korea.

Photos might be uploaded later..
More on Facebook than here.
But much later, after I'm done with my photo essay. :D

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Free hand, anyone?

2011-11-02T23:25:00.001+08:00

A lil' help, please?

Feeling damn tired from school.

So drained and everything.

That it's making me kinda dread the Korea trip?

'cause of all the extra stuff we have to do!

Missing one week of school is not a good thing!

Give me the strength to complete those assignments that are due before the trip..

And also those that need to be done during the trip!

Gimme a break, please?

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Holding on to something impossible~

2011-10-29T10:11:00.000+08:00

It's slipping away...

I wonder how people can remain friends..

Throughout the years, with different schools and different friends..

Mutual friends get lesser..

And common topics get fewer..

It's like there's nothing left to say?

The feeling of awkwardness is back again.

Feeling out-of-place..

And all that..

No..

I'm not thinking too much.

I'm just trying to accept reality.

Afterall, friendship ain't a one-sided thing.

It's a relationship.

And it takes two hands to clap.

I feel like I'm holding on to something that's slowly..

But surely, slipping away.

Wonder if anyone else has noticed..

Though I'm glad that we all have new friends now..

New cliques..

New everything..

'Cause at least we're not alone..

But I kinda miss..

The days where we would talk..

So easily..

I kinda miss..

Being the one who knows all your stuff firsthand..

Instead of being the "Oh, you're kinda my close friend so I'll tell you" kinda friend.

*sigh*

So..

I really wonder how people maintain their friendships over the years..

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Unicorn, please?

2011-10-28T19:32:00.000+08:00

Gimme my unicorn..

I'm not one to say that I regret what I've gone through..

'Cause I've learnt much from bearing the brunt of all the immaturity of others.

And though I won't say I blame those people anymore..

It still doesn't mean that I wanna talk to them.

It's not like they are talking to me, right?

They act like they don't know me and all..

And do you honestly think that I want to open myself up to all the hurt again?

No, thank you.

I guess in a way..

My sis is right.

But it's not like I expect anyone to understand.

It's not like I wanna "force" my two guy friends to have to go 'cause they don't wanna ps me..

I just didn't feel comfortable.

I felt weird.

Out-of-place.

Unsure of myself again.

Hate that feeling.

♥Mandamandamanda G.

Screwed up life..

2011-10-23T18:35:00.001+08:00

Let me dream~

Okay, so maybe I'm not disabled.

Maybe I'm considered normal and all.

But that does not mean that I don't have problems.

And it's probably a problem everyone has as well.

But that also doesn't mean that it's not a problem.

I really hated my life back in my primary school days.

Surprise, surprise.

But now.

I just don't get it.

No.

I don't cry over this particular problem anymore.

I'm kinda like..immune to it?

It's just a pain in the neck now.

Like something so irritating you can't get rid of.

So, most days..

I wish I was home alone.

With no one to bother me.

No one to make so much noise.

No one to keep telling me to do this and that.

Freaking irritating.

But then after that, things are somewhat alright again.

It's so screwed up, I don't get it.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

p.s.

What could have been...

2011-10-19T23:52:00.002+08:00

So adorable! :x

So today was T's birthday.

My passing of card was successful.

HAHA.

Wanted to give on the day itself so that it was more meaningful.

Econs tutor is so AWESOME!

She teaches like a pro!

Everything just clicked.

Though..

When I tried to do the questions, I got abit confused. :/

Yikeys.

Stayed back with C.A.M.S.

Then studied with Cyn, taught her Econs and went through things with her.

Hope she gets well soonsoonsoon.

Miss having her in class. :x

Went for Photog early 'cause the Lt was opened already. :X

We did Studio Photog today.

Was really interesting and really BLINDING. :X
Had loads of fun with all my new friends!
Especially teasing my meimei. :B

Photog ended at like 8plus.

Bus-ed home with Su Yi.

Dropped off earlier to meet T.

And you did something so unexpected, I didn't know how to respond.
But it was time to go, and we parted ways.
A goodbye formality, a way to say thank you.

So sweet, right? :B

-------------------

Got scolded for NOTHING today when I just got home not long.

Got blamed for something that wasn't even my fault.

Argh.

Good thing I proved my innocence.

Kay, gtg.

Nights.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Capture the moments..

2011-10-12T19:48:00.000+08:00

Click. Snap. Shoot.

So yea, if you haven't heard.

I had tons of fun during Photog Camp. :D

Was in the fun group. HAHA.

We were called LOMOcrew.
Made up of Afifah, Zul, Shaheera, Janice, Yang Yi, Marcus, Han Bin, Hong Yi and Me.

Partly 'cause we didn't know what group name to pick and partly 'cause of our cheer?

HAHA.

DAY ONE

Met Joanna at the bus-stop and we walked to Lt 51 together.

Waited outside as more people came.

Guess what?

The camp only consisted of 21 people!

Plus 4 Comm members and 2 helpers.

But.

Only 14 people turned up. :O

So tiny camp, much?

HAHA.

But partly 'cause of the small camp size, it was more intimate. :x

Got into Group 1.

Different from Joanna's.

Felt damn awkward.

But Afifah was my GL so yay!

She's in charge of the HMS and HS peeps. :D

And Zul was Game Master (Read: Sabo-master)

Played ice-breakers, forfeits and basically had lots of fun :D

Then Group 2 decided to join us and we had to play the Adjective game all over again.

It's basically where you take the first letter of your name and find an adjective.

Then you introduce yourself by saying the adjective first then your name.

So for me it was Amazing Amanda.

I know it sounds dumb but I wasn't thinking.

AHHA.

There were:

From my group... (except Zul)

Active Afifah

Huge Han Bin

Yummy Yang Yi

Horny Hong Yi

Mighty Marcus

Jumpy Janice

Sweet Shaheera

Amazing Amanda

and the others..

Kinky Kai Sheng

Wonderful Wilda

Serene Shu Yi

Dangerous Daniel (who just came to help out)

Smart Si Ying

Joker Jerome

Joyful Joanna

Jovial Jocelyn

eXtraordinary Xue Qi

Yeaaaaaa.

Get it?

HAHHA.

It was a good way to help remember everyone's name. :P

So Day One was spent playing station games.

The Moat Game, Broken Television, Photo Hunt and some team games.

Had sharing session and a photography training session after dinner.

Oh and we slept at Blk 50. :X

DAY TWO

We played this game where one group was supposed to be the Runners and the other the Catchers.

So the Runners had to run around the entire HS/LSCT block to find items.

While the Catchers had bells tied to their shoes and had to catch the Runners.

Once caught, the Runner has to give their strip of masking tape (represents 1 life) to the Catcher while having to go down to do a forfeit in order to get back their life.

Kinda like a Cat and Mouse game?

It was a damn tiring game.

And there was some bad blood during the game.

Such as scratching and anger and all that.

However, all was forgotten after the game. :D

But I loved the way my group worked together.

We were awesome in both roles!

And I believe that ultimately, we all had loads of fun. :D

Then next we had Water Games!

What we played was basically Captain's Ball.

Except we played with tennis balls and badminton rackets w/o strings.

And of course, with two people from each team throwing water bombs at the opponent.

Trust me, it was a damn muddy game.

We created mud, man! :O

After dinner, we had nightwalk.

Went to the playground near Kismis Field but got chased away by the security guard.

So we went up to the guys' apartment.

We were joined by the Poly Stage Factor (PSF) people for this nightwalk. :X

Chatted, joked around while waiting for our turn.

The PSF people went first and apparently, the first guy who went stood half an hour OUTSIDE the apartment door.

'Cause you had to like crawl into the pitch-black room. :X

We went in pairs.

And I was partnered with Jerome.

Was quite fun uh.

'Cause we were focusing on identifying people more than anything else.

HAHA.

And when we finished, we gathered at the girls' apartment.

Was really fun discussing the nightwalk.

Like what we did and what happened.

Interesting experience.

Was my first non-SU nightwalk and at the Loft too! :x

Laid in bed afterwards.

Couldn't sleep.

Thinking too much.

So I went out to chit-chat with Xue Qi and Jocelyn.

Slept around 3am plus?

DAY THREE

Had Amazing Race at town.

Where we basically used our cameras to take photos at different locations.

First location was Raffles Place and the theme was Architecture.

Next was Plaza Singapure and the theme was Street Photography.

Then, we had lunch at Kopitiam @ PS before heading to ION to take shots with Aperture.

And finally last place was *scape where we combined two themes together: Colourful Shutter.

That last station kinda failed, 'cause it was hard to shoot stuff.

We also didn't really get the theme? :X

There was the 100Plus Extra event going on.

And I saw loads of SU people there who were volunteering. :o

Played Taboo at the highest floor of *scape before heading back to school for debriefing.

Shared our thoughts and feedback.

Favourite and least favourite part of the camp.

Mine was the Cat and Mouse game and mostly just aching from camp respectively?

Most people loved the Nightwalk and hated the food.

HAHA. :P

Took group photos and I had to rush home to put down my camp bag and grab stuff before heading to the Esplanade for the Popkids event.

Was late by like 10mins, and went in together with Cyn.

Luckily, we texted Sian Eng first. :x

Had lots of fun dancing that night.

Made me understand why some people love to dance.

After the event, Cyn and I went to MBS for a walk.

Was my first time there!

Walked for a short while before we headed back to Esplanade but on the way, Cyn saw her parents' car and I hitched a ride to Cityhall MRT station. :x

♥ MandamandamandaG.

You wish...

2011-10-05T23:20:00.000+08:00

Sometimes wishes do come true...

Read this book a few days back..

Didn't really like the beginning 'cause it was abit too bimbotic even for me.

AHAHAHA.

But the whole book turned out to be really impactful in some ways.

It made me realise that..

Sometimes, we can't really blame anyone but ourselves.

For example, if you find that you're left out and you don't belong.

Instead of blaming others for leaving you out, have you ever thought that maybe it was all caused by yourself?

Perhaps, you chose to not join in.

You chose to feel awkward.

It is all about choices.

And I'm beginning to realise that maybe..

I need to start making new ones.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

So...

2011-10-02T02:02:00.001+08:00

Wanna feel alive again.

TBC was...not what I expected.

And hell, my expectations were already way low.

I was actually in the same group as SP, Brevian and Yun Qing but got pulled to another group at the last minute during reshuffling.

And guess what, my new group only had TWO girls, with the rest being guys.

And that girl was like a total stranger to me yet a friend of nearly everyone.

So...imagine the awkwardness.

(It definitely wasn't pretty)

Throughout the entire camp, I just kept silent.

Participating in all the activities but never really speaking out.

Well, it wasn't only 'cause there were already people leading but rather the fact that I didn't have any better ideas.

So yea.

Silence was the way I dealt.

I was the quiet girl.

The one that was there yet not.

Thank goodness for Cyrus and Manfred in my group.

If not, I think I'd probably just book out of camp.

This camp really showed me the different types of people there are in SU, and the many more others that I haven't seen before yet.

And also, how clique-ish they can get.

So clique-ish to the point where it's painful to even try to talk to them.

'Cause the minute you shut up, they turn away and find their buds.

So it's like, "Forget it."

I just stopped trying.

If it wasn't for tonning on the last night with SP, Yunqing, Cyrus and Kevin, the whole camp would have sucked even more.

Playing with marbles on the floor then on a flag was fun, something to do while we were bored out of our minds.

HTHT with them was fun too, and Jen even joined in for awhile.

We got hungry after some time, went scouting for food at the Attic and this time Faiz joined us.

HAHA.

Had fun midnight snacking with them.

People thought we were weird for sitting outside the toilets but the wind there was awesome.

And the second place we moved to was like outside the wall of the guys' toilet.

But oh wells, it wasn't like there were many places to go to at the 8th floor. :x

And it was only then when I opened up and talked more.

Shared my thoughts, did stupid things and just simply listened.

The most ironic thing would be that on the last day, when we were supposed to eat breakfast together, my group divided itself.

Wasn't unexpected.

The division had always been there, it's just that it became super obvious on the last day.

To be someone who leads, guides and help people, one definitely has to step out of their comfort zone.

But it's also not a one person thing.

It wouldn't work if only one person was trying.

It's like a relationship.

You need two hands to clap.

I felt super alone throughout the camp.

And kept trying to sought out my Ohana people whenever I could.

They weren't really having the same problem in the group, and I didn't want to be so extra and barge into their group.

All in all, it was a painful camp, one that showed the beginning of what's to come.

In Prep Camp, Trial Camp and FOC itself.

The cliques just start going together.

And if you're not in one, you're gonna be a loner.

'Cause have you ever tried to join a clique before?

It ain't easy.

They have a bond, which you're not a part of.

Makes me wonder why I chose to join the subcomm when I obviously don't belong. :/

Plus, it's not like you can just go up to anyone and go, "Hey, tell me more about yourself!"

It just doesn't cut it.

---------------------

I also faced more stuff about myself.

Something that..

Hasn't bothered me in a longlong while.

The gist of it, is that..

I really hate wearing specs.

I fought with believing in myself and having confidence in myself.

But it just sucks so much.

Now more so than ever.

No, people aren't judging you out loud anymore.

Unlike in secondary school, where you'd faced outright teasing.

But it doesn't mean they aren't saying things behind your back, laughing at you and all that.

It would be safe to say that contacts gave me an added confidence in myself.

And I’m pretty sure that’s why more people wear contacts nowadays.

Friends would always try to comfort you and say, "No la, you're very pretty" and la di da.

But that's just what they think you wanna say.

No, I know I'm not fatfat.

But I ain't skinny either.

I'm not like those super pretty and skinny girls and all that.

I'm just me.

I'm not perfect, I'm not pretty.

The confidence I've built up from all these years just come crashing down.

The insecurities never really go away.

They are always there.

I don't say much.

Don't share much.

Don't open up all that much to the people around me.

And the funny thing is, I most probably know more about you than you know about me.

I do admit that I don't like being in the limelight.

At least not all the time.

Sometimes, just occasionally, it's nice.

Really.

To be the one that people are envious of, people admire and all that.

But with every upside, there's a downside.

And sometimes, too much of a good thing is a bad thing.

So I don't really ask for much.

Don't really expect much anymore.

'Cause I don't wanna get disappointed.

For what's the point in wishing for things that will never happen?

You can dream, but it doesn't mean it will materialise.

That's why they're called dreams.

Something you can only think about, fantasize about but never really obtain.

It's something that everyone has.

And it’s always different.

We all have problems.

We all have insecurities.

We all want things we can’t have.

We all want to be more than who we are.

But then again, the question is..

Who are we?

Who am I?

Will I really know?

When?

Am I happy?

No.

That much I know.

I’m not even satisfied.

I’ve got friends who are now all happily attached.

And the way they act sometimes just makes me wanna go sit in a corner and be all “Forever Alone.”

‘Cause that’s how it’s gonna be.

I know it better than anyone else.

And I know people will say, “If you give up on yourself, then everyone’s gonna give up on you.”

But.

I’ve already lost the inspiration.

The drive.

The something that will push me on.

I have nothing.

Hence, I have nothing to lose.

When will things be enough?

When will anything happen?

Will things always stay the same?

Will everything change?

Or is it only me?

I feel so bored with life.

So bored with everything.

Going out and all..

Is just b-o-r-i-n-g.

And with the stupid adult fare for all our public transport, going out is painful.

Money just practically disappears.

Wow, right?

The inner thoughts of AGTY.

Not all, but most.

----------------

So I’ve been holing up at home throughout my holiday.

Doing nothing much but rot.

Did loads of housework when my auntie went home.

But now she’s back.

And with TBC ending just on the 30th, I’m still pretty tired.

Yet I can’t keep sleeping.

‘Cause that’s boring too.

Well, another camp is coming up on the 7th-9th of Oct.

Cyn’s coming back on the 6th.

And I’ll see her on the 9th, for the Popkids event at the Esplanade. :D

She always does make me feel better. :D

Still can’t believe that Rui Shan is volunteering for that too.

Didn’t expect her to be an Esplanade Youth (EY) too.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

p.s. I wanna be confident of myself again and be a part of more things.

sick of being so extra.

Fish out of the water..

2011-09-22T00:43:00.001+08:00

Blubblub.

The positiveness from TCP is slowly but surely wearing away.
The old feelings are coming..
I guess they never really went away.
Oh wells.

I've been feeling so tired lately.
No, I'm not slacking slacking around.
I just feel so tired that I just don't wanna do anything.
Mum's been bugging me to get a job but like hello?
There's not enough time left.
Seriously.
7 Weeks is short for a job.
And look at how many weeks are left...
Plus I've got like TWO more camps coming up.
28-30 SEP - NPSU TBC
7-10 OCT - Photog Camp

See?
How am I supposed to work like that?!
Plus I DO NOT want to work during the school term so it's like..
Who's gonna hire me?
Everyone wants commitment.
Even for part-timers.

Anyways, that aside..
Life's been..
Up and down again.
Though, mostly down, meaning B-O-R-I-N-G.
Wanted to blog yesterday but I find turning the comp on really tedious and BORING.
There's really nothing to do online. :O
And I'm the type of person who forgets what she wanted to rant after the moment has passed.
So it's like it never happened. :o

Was successful in baking today!
Shall bake again tomorrow with the help of AHZY to decorate! :P
I shall aspire to bake more nice stuff.
Then I can feed my lil' pets. AHAHHAHAHHA.
They've been "starving".
TEEHEE.

Kay, let's just see what happens in the near future.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Embrace the inner me..

2011-09-13T00:54:00.001+08:00

Yes, it does not suck to be me.

Back from TCP Empowerment Camp (8-10SEP)

I won't say that it'd changed my life..

Because it didn't.

But it did affect it.

Affected my thinking.

Changed my mindset.

Opened my eyes.

Let me see clearly once again.

But no, I won't blame all the things that I've gone through..

For I've learnt much from each experience.

The pain, hurt, disappointment..

And the joy, smiles and excitement made me who I am today.

I might not be perfect.

Never have been.

And I always thought that standing by what I believed in was the way I should be.

To be stronger, to get closer to whatever I wanted to achieve.

But I didn't realise that I was actually forcing my beliefs onto the people around me.

Till the point where they avoided telling me things because I won't listen with an open heart & mind.

It was what I learnt through TCP that I finally saw all that.

The 3A principle:

Aware

Adapt

Will be held close to my heart.

To guide me along as I walk the long road ahead of me.

There has been too many times where I skipped the "Accept" stage and just simply moved on to Adapting.

That was the part where on the surface I was accepting but in a way, I didn't?

So I will change.

Learn to accept everyone for who they are.

And not try to force my own opinions on them.

Because that's not fair.

And I'll just hope that everyone will do the same.

Furthermore, the word "try" is gonna get kicked out of my dictionary.

'Cause if I wanna do something, I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna achieve it.

Because I believe in myself.

And the people around me.

On a brighter note, I've met an awesome group of people!
From my mentors: Christine and Hosanna;
to my fellow Americans: Cassandra, Bridget, Laila, Lorraine, Li Yan, Atricia, Amelia, Cheryl, Nora, Rachel and Geraldine. :D
They made camp really fun!
Especially Cass and Bridget cause they let me bunk with them!
Teehee.
Late night chitchat sessions at Loft@94 is super awesome.
Learnt loads about them and other random stuff.
And I will never forget Cass' laughter.
And what Bridget said that set Cass & I laughing till our sides ached.
OMG.
HAHAHAHA.

And these will be added to my bank of memories.
Kept forever in a safe lil' place.

♥ MandamandamandaG.
The next time I say I accept you for who you are, I will mean it with my whole heart.

Down and out.

2011-09-06T12:55:00.000+08:00

我觉得有些事情用英文说是不足够的。

有些话是留在心里永远都不能说出来的话。

总对自己的生活很失望，自己到底是做错了什么。

总是感到很失望，可能是自己要求太高但又觉得不是。

难道我的所作所为都是错的吗？

为什么会这样呢？

难道我所有的朋友对我的了解那么少吗？

好自备哦。

在我身边的人没有一个真正的了解我。

觉得很闲，对什么事都已经没有什么兴趣了。

因为不值得，只让自己觉得很累。

现在的我已经对什么都没有什么期望了。

已经习惯这失望的感觉。

好可悲吧。

这就是我那么可笑的生活。

但请不要认为是我不要给机会因为我真的很累，累到我不想在试了。

而且也不想在让自己感到失望，所以试试站在我的立场吧。

♥ MandamandamandaG.

La la la~

2011-08-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

The first semester of my first year in poly has come to an end.

Today was the day for the submission of my last assignment.

And the only thing left is my INTCA exam on the 26th.

Feeling abit sad that time has passed so fast.

Pretty soon we'll be Year Twos. :o

I can't wait for my exam to be overrrrrrrr.

Then I can take a good break while being able to meet up with my long lost friends!

HHAAHHA. :D

It feels like a million years..

Yet not.. :x

Got many things coming up this hols..
Camps, events, etc. etc.

Hope I'll have time to do all the things I wanna do!
Most of all, EXERCISE!
Been gaining loads of weight due to poly.
Sucksssssssssssss. TTM. :/

The 7 weeks hols will be my exercise daily period!
(I hope.)

Y'know what?
Good thing for him randomly texting me.
'Cause I can safely say...
I've totally moved on from that guy.
Took me a damn long while..
But yea.
No more anything about him. :)

Perhaps I've been cursed.
By what happened two, coming to three years back.
Oh wells.
Not interested.
And we shall see. :x

Kay, tonight's the last night of enjoyment before I start mugging like mad for my exam!
11 (soon to be 10) more days!
Yikeys. :/

♥MandamandamandaG.

It still hurts...

2011-08-04T17:43:00.001+08:00

Don't wanna feel this way..

Saw you on the bus today.

Purposely didn't look at the aisle.

Doubt you saw me bah? :/

Anyways..

The thing about you not using your handphone to text often?

Doesn't seem so true now eh?

Maybe I am thinking too much.

But I do see you use your phone.

And what I think is that you're just being nice.

Being polite.

And in the process of being that way..

You're being hurtful and an ass.

So yea.

I'm not so dumb anymore.

Not so naivé anymore.

I've become stronger.

But I feel the hurt faster than before.

I don't know why.

But it just hits me faster. :o

Though the one thing you never fail to help me out with is in..

Moving on.

So thanks for that.

Always.

And I'd like to say that I think it's better saying that I'd knew you than I know you.

Because.

Things changed.

So it's better to remember the you before. :)

So I won't keep being so dumb.

Won't expect anything more.

Thanks. Goodbye.

And I'm sorry to say..

I doubt we'd talk again. :/

-----------------

Only had MUSPER consult today.

Quite screwed.

Thank goodness for Lyra for helping me with research at school library. :x

Borrowed six more books.

Now I have like 14 books in total.

Gosh laaaa.

Never borrowed so many books for an essay before.

Please let me do well! :x

Have more stuff due soonsoon.

HAIS.

Need to hurry up. :/

Put a KevJumba photo to cheer myself up. AAHAHHA. :P

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Stupidity.

2011-08-02T00:55:00.003+08:00

Like Snow White, we've all done stupid things.

How could I have been so stupid?

To think that it was anything more than just catching up.

That it was a second chance.

Wait.

I mean, third chance.

But well...

Who hasn't done stupid things in their life?

It's just a matter of realising it and putting a stop to it.

I should've said no.

Should've ignored you.

Don't ruin my good impression of you for life.

That'd be just damn sad.

Oh wells.

In case you still haven't figured it out..

I'm not that naivé girl you knew before.

And now...

It's more Mind Over Heart for me than Heart Over Mind.

Saves me from heartaches and headaches. :/

Thanks for the longlonglong conversation we had.

Guess we're all caught up now.

After two years of no contact.

One month was more than enough to catch up eh?

♥MandamandamandaG.

p.s. maybe that's why people choose to fancy idols and celebrities and all.
Lower chances of getting hurt. Whether intentional or not.

Existence.

2011-08-01T21:29:00.000+08:00

What am I to you?

♥MandamandamandaG.

Let's be super!

2011-08-01T05:11:00.002+08:00

I wanna be like Superman.

It's officially the 1st of August!
Please be good kay, August?

---------------
Has our conversation finally ended then?

Have we finally run out of things to say?

I found it abit weird when you didn't reply my previous message.

But then again, perhaps there wasn't much to reply to. :/

But you made it different.

By texting me to continue chatting.

And I replied you then..

But up till now..

There's still no reply.

It makes me wonder..

Are you alright?

Are you like superduper busy?

Or you just have nothing to say in reply.

I know I shouldn't think so much.

Plus who are you to me?

Just because we have a history..

Doesn't mean that's what it is now, right?

So yea.

I'm just wondering.

After so many years le..

I can adapt faster now.

If things just stop like that..

I won't even question why.

I'll just accept it and move on.

Though this time I kinda don't want to. :o

You're different.

Always have been to me.

And so I wonder what I am to you.

So many questions, no answers.

'Cause I'm not asking them.

It's not that I don't want to.

It's 'cause I don't think I have the rights to. :/

^ _ ^

Take care.

And no matter what happens, it's been really nice talking to you for this past..

One month and nineteen days or so.

You made me smile.

You made me laugh.

You made me roll my eyes.

You made me feel alright again.

You made me forget to think about him.

And loads more..

So thanks for that.

:D :D

Can you see the human figure above?

I kinda noticed it after I finished typing.

HAHA.

Cute, much? :B

I just hope..

You had a good time too.

And that if we do continue chatting..

We won't stop just like that. :x

Well..

I can dream, right?

HAHAH. :D

On a side note...

KevJumba's damn cute! xD

HAHHAHA. :X

Love his videos.

Wonder what took me so long to start watching his vids. :x

Did you know: KevJumba's full name is Kevin Kai-Wen Wu.

Same surname as me! AAHHAH. :P
And his chinese name sounds damn nice.

EHEHHEE.

Okay.

I'm nuts.

Trying to chiong my MUSPER/WRICOM essay for consult today!

It's already 5AM!

At this rate, I don't think I'll be sleeping at all. :O

Dang.

Still got the awards ceremony to attend.

HAIS.

♥MandamandamandaG

Smile...

2011-07-31T01:49:00.006+08:00

So Wilbur-ish :D

30 July 2011
Like what Carol always tells me, "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going."
I need to stop getting distracted by nonsense and then procrasinating!

Need to focus and work hard.

I need to pull my grades up high!

Need Need Need.

It's not a want.

They are NEEDS! :o

----------

That aside..

Second time seeing you since poly.

Awesome, much? :D

Let's hope we still have such chances again. :D

-----------

Went to KAP's railway tracks today!
It's closing after tomorrow. D:

Here's a few photos taken with my cam.
Shall get the photos from Cyn and upload my faves! :D

Cyn & her mama. :D

Cyn & I

Dancerzcyn. :B

Kay, I've gtg.

Gonna have lunch at Watami with da BROTHER & family tomorrow!

♥MandamandamandaG
p.s. can't wait for my holidays!

더 이상 기다리지 않을

2011-07-24T14:51:00.001+08:00

nonononononononononono.

The doggie above is so adorable, right?
I know.

Haha.

Wonder what the title of my blogpost means?

Guess.

Supposed to be a sad-ish post.

But the doggie made it better.

I really need to get down to work.

No more wasting of time.

Really.

Mandamandamanda, you just need to persevere awhile more.

It'll be over soon.

And you'll get your well-deserved break.

Can't let your GPA go down!

Now that mummy & daddy are satisfied with it.

(Y)

Ganbatte!

Jiayou!

Fighting!

This will be me, soon enough.

♥MandamandamandaG

Korea

2011-07-23T12:04:00.003+08:00

YAY!

OMG YES!

ABM'S OFF TO KOREA FOR OUR STUDY TRIP THIS NOVEMBER!
10-16NOV! :D

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Finally a school overseas trip!

At least I know that we won't be disappointed!

Unlike in choir.

All talk, no action.

And nothing comes true 'cause the school doesn't want to support it.

So, YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

♥MandamandamandaG.

Distance. Two Hearts.

2011-07-23T01:04:00.005+08:00

You know our story.

♥MandamandamandaG.

Thoughts.

2011-07-22T22:12:00.002+08:00

What are friends for?

Most of the time, you'd tell everything to your good, close friends.

But some things.

You can't tell?

Don't know how to tell?

Yea.

I know.

Understandable.

Just don't blame me for doing the same, kay.

---------------

Potatoes.

Seriously.

Potatoes.

After I said you changed until maybe from somewhat knowing you, and that I'm now not so sure whether I still know you?

You asked which you is better. Now or last time?
How I know sia.

Funny guy.

I'll just keep remaining on my stand that you're similar yet different from the guy I used to know. :o

So when a guy texts you about seeing your sis, what does that mean?

Is it supposed to even mean anything?'

Sure, I wanna keep things quiet.

'cause we're just chatting, that's all.

Don't want the whole thing to be blown out of proportion.

Screwing everything up and leaving me alone again. :/

It's really nice just to have someone to talk to about nothing in particular.

After such a long time. :o

So yeap.

Not thinking too much.

Just wondering.

It's different. :x

♥MandamandamandaG.

Thinking too much.

2011-07-20T22:24:00.000+08:00

Thinking. Too much.

So it appears that I've been thinking too much again.

As usual.

As always.

When it comes to those few guys.

I'd realised that there are only a few particular guys that y'know really mean something.

No matter how long it has been. :o

Same for many people I guess? :X

----------------

Well, like I said before..

It has been two years since we talked just to chat and stuff.

So I guess..

I'm just really gonna take it as it is.

Not think too much.

(From now on.)
'cause what are the chances man?
Zero to none.

That's what. :X

Are my expectations too high?

Or is it that 'cause I've been through the pain and all, so I'm not willing to open up to new people anymore?

I'm just not interested.

I don't know why.

I just don't feel interested. :o

If it's people I was close to before, I don't mind y'know.

And I don't know why too.

So weird.

But I guess it's the familiarity factor that affects it all bah.

Don't wanna start all over again. :x

----------------

Kay,

I should totally stop playing random games on FB and do my work.

Feel so slack. :/

Like I'm in holiday mood already,

Gosh.

Can die.

OMGOMGOMGOGMOMGOMG. :X

Please let me see you in school! :x

Not fair that you saw me and I didn't see you!

(except on the bus. but that's different.)

♥MandamandamandaG.

Heartbreakers.

2011-07-18T23:56:00.001+08:00

Heartbreakers.

My blog posts these few days are gonna be about him.

'cause this is my only outlet to rant and think out loud. :x

------------------------

How it is amusing?

Maybe it's just random teasing to you.

But..

It's kinda strange.

It's been two years now since we first talked.

And now...

We've only been talking for like one month and six days. :x

(Not including the time when we talked before.)

So when you say things like that...

It's really "wrong"?
Do you still remember the reason we stopped talking?

And drifted apart?

At least I think I remembered the right one.

Or at least the gist of it. :x

I'd admit.

Talking to you again is really...something I thought would never have happened again.

Surprise, surprise.

But.

I have to say..

No, I don't think I have any feelings for you anymore.

I still remember our really sad story.

How we never liked each other at the same time.

I liked you first.

But you liked her then.

And when I didn't like you.

You liked me.

Talk about missing the boat.

Perhaps I shouldn't base things on memories and what we had before.

Maybe you don't know this...

But..

What we had was something unlike any other.

Cliché maybe, but definitely true.

And I will never forget it. :x

And now when we text, it's like one message per day or something along that lines.

I mean, I understand that you're busy and all that.

Graduating year, many projects, assignments etc.

Understanding doesn't mean I have to like it right?
Our conversations are like...

o . 0

Seriously.

It's abit sad that we can't really share what's happening in our lives 'cause by the time you reply..

It's already over.

And it's not like you tell me stuff going on in your life.

I only know 'cause of people tagging you in fb. :/

Not that I'm gonna say anything, 'cause you'll sure say I stalked you.

hahah.

I guess I should just let nature take its own course.

Kay, I've gotta go sleep.

9am class tmr.

Good night. :)

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Running in circles

2011-07-18T03:27:00.004+08:00

Running in circles, baby~

YES! I'm finally done with my SOCPSY Essay! :D
Just submitted it on SafeAssign.

Hate that thing, seriously.

Always feel afraid to click the "Submit" button.

Okay, I know I should totally go to sleep seeing as it's already 3.11am as I type this post out. :O

But there's something on my mind that I just get rid of.

So it's to the blog I go. :X

---------------------------

Why.

Why do you say the things you do?

Why do you say that?

Why did you say that?

Why. Why. Why.

And it's like you're an older guy.

Which makes it all the more confusing. :/

Those memories are coming back again.

No, it's not about yo.

It's about him.

You're so different now.

Still the same old cute guy.

(Perhaps now got more muscles bah. HAHA.)

You still talk the same way.

At least via text messages.

A little different.

But still similar.

Still familiar.

Some things you say are really...

Misleading.

They give the wrong impression?

'cause you do remember that we haven't talked in years, right?

So it's kinda strange.

And I'm kinda wondering how come you haven't been snatched by any girl yet. :O

'cause that's what I expected. :X

I know I shouldn't think so much.

But.

You didn't add a "Just kidding" behind what you said.

Which you normally would do if you were teasing me.

So..

I don't really know?

I don't know what you're thinking.

Really..

Is it possible to fall in like with the same guy twice?

I really wonder.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Roller-coaster Ride~

2011-07-15T00:31:00.005+08:00

14th July 2011

Life's been like a roller-coaster ride.

Now that it's after 13th July, I feel like I can take a little time to breathe a little.

Sure, I still have loads of work to do.

But lesser stuff due in one day or going on on the same day.

I had double consult yesterday.

One for WRICOM and one for SOCPSYCH.

Both for essays.

I couldn't remember what Ms Lorraine said after lunch when I tried to edit my outline.

(My consult with her was at 11plus and by the time I got down to work, it was already 1plus. :o)
Nearly died trying to edit it.
Jon was trying to help me 'cause we went for the same session.
But it was quite fail.
I totally just rushed it out during the night.
Worse part was that I had Photog till 8pm and only got home at 9plus.

Though surprisingly, for today's MUSPER essay consult (it's combined with WRICOM essay).

Dr. Sam totally approved of my outline.

I was damn worried before that he would cancel everything out. :O
Afterall, I was working on instinct.

'Cause I wasn't really getting any more help from Ms Lorraine (meaning she didn't reply my email. :/)

Oh wells, Dr. Sam gave me a star and two smileys!

Way cool okay!

I know I sound like a small kid..

But getting approval in poly is seriously not easy.

Plus who doesn't like knowing that they are doing something right and approved of? :X

SOCPSYCH essay's due on Monday (18th July), need to chiong it out.

Hope that I'll score well for it.

I shall try to do well for all essays. :X

ARTHIST essay set the ball rolling with really good grades I believe. :D
JIAYOUS ME! hehe. :B

------------------------------------------------

Been feeling so tired lately.

Bet everyone's feeling that way.

Half the time I feel drained.

And it's like I have absolutely no life!

It's like I sacrifice so many things just so that I have more time to do my work. :O

Though, no I'm not some hardcore mugger.

Just some girl trying to do well in her poly course. :X

You should seriously see the results some people in my class are getting.

It's like As all the way.

Mostly that egoistic guy and his clique. :/

Life's so unfair.

Hais.

Oh wells.

Just need to keep persevering.

Soon my hols will come and I can get a good rest!
Overseas trip! I can't wait!
I wanna get out of SG!

Really pray hard that we're going to Seoul, Korea! :X

----------------------------------------------

Everyone has moments where they feel insecured.

That feeling never really disappears.

And it will always comes back again and again.

I don't know why we always have weird shit between us.

I mean..

On one hand, you keep saying I'm damn important to you and everything.

But it's not like we're like even talking now.

Yeayeayea.

I'm sure you're feeling really insecured and unsure of how to deal with me.

Like what's the point of saying we're friends, good friends at that when you guys just think I'm so problematic. So hard to deal with and what not.

It just doesn't make sense.

So, let me ask you.

Do you really know me?

What I like, what I really think, how I really feel?

Yáll always think I'm so hard to talk to.

Oh really.

Or maybe you just don't wanna try.

Too lazy.

Can't be bothered.

Nono.

Don't go blaming me.

I don't have anything to say.

Nothing important to share.

It's always the same old same old for me.

So don't go blaming me for not talking or saying anything.

'Cause afterall, you'd also ignore me after awhile.

No replies or anything.

I've always found it weird how our conversations of sorts can just hang off like that.

There's no "I gtg le! ttyl!" etc.

It's just silence, ignoring and all that.

Whatever you felt before, I would definitely have felt the same way before.

So please stop thinking that only you would have felt that way.

'cause that's not the case.

Do you actually realise that you don't really listen to what I say?
There's no respect there.

Do you even respect me as a friend?

Treat me as someone of at least some amount of importance?

Don't say "yes, of course" so quickly.

Think first.

'Cause saying is one thing and doing is another.

The way you make me feel is just like I'm just there to be your listening ear and all that.

It's not that I'm complaining.

But it's like..

You don't ever listen to me.

At least don't listen to me when I'm talking.

Halfway through, you'll say something that has to do with yourself and I'd just have to shut up.

Notice how I don't continue what I was saying?
Or maybe you don't notice as much as you thought you did.

♥ MandamandamandaG.

Moving...

2011-07-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

So it's now back to Blogger for me!
Onsugar screwed up on me and I was pissed.
So I decided to move back to Blogger.
Plus with all the new stuff in Blogger such as the template thingy, it's so easy now to create your own design of your blog. :B

Kay, just a short post.
I need to rant.
Wanted to. But spent too much time editing the template.
So yeap.
Time to chiong my work for tomorrow!
I mean, today! :B

♥ MandamandamandaG.